i quit!

last night we had another casino night, haha. this time at a different venue because it was tbag's birthday. as usual i was drinking and smoking black and milds. then a close friend comes, and see's this side of me, and i try to stop but i couldnt =( she tells me she's disappointed and doesn't like this side of me. so i tell her this. when ever i'm drinking, and get a lil buzzed, i get this craving to smoke, for some reason it makes it easier for me to sober up, idk, it might be all in my head but i dont care. its whatever to me. but how did i get started in smoking in the first place? i'm not to sure, i've tried them occasionally when ever i'm like out at the club and just share one. but then recently some shit has been really stressing out. at first it was cuz of a whole lot of shit, then it narrowed down to just one person making me trip out. how would you feel if you have this mentality that nothing will move to fast and you just like how things are flowing, then all of a sudden it picks up, and you're like wtf? didnt they just say they're not going to do this, not have that..blah blah blah, i dont want to get specific. but in a nutshell its like i've been lied to, got slapped in the face, hella contradictive shit blah, i can't even type. I KNOW ITS NO EXCUSE, but i hella just went to the nearest convience store bought some shit, and started smoking cuz i thought it'd relieve my stress, but then i started doing it more often, wtf, it's so bad, i took the last ones i have and my lighter and shoved them to a friend, and told him not to let him give it back to me, i was hella sad and bought to break down last night, i let a close friend down, and so i started texting ebf to come pick me up, but she lives to far now, and i just wanted to go home..i coudlnt take it anymore..and there was this ONE person i wanted to text and vent to, but i'm still hesitant lately to text her, we seldom talk now, and idk why, i'm having fun, she's having fun, i dont want my drama to f**k everything up..so f**k it.. i really hope i dont go back to my bad habits, i really hope i can forgive all those i let down, i say i'm the same person, i just need to prove it now..later days