My 22nd Birthday

so starting with 12am...

first set of texts were from nichelle, about 50+ of the same texts saying happy birthday sucker! =) or something in that nature, followed by a few more close friends, and some friends i was surprised stayed up to text me at 12! thanks guys, oh and the only phone call i got was from angelyn, my (ex) ex in parenthesis, haha ask me why..and thanks to cyndy who waited till 3am ;D that's a first ahah, and the longest text i got to. and thanks to princess for the LATEST text, haha, there were some after her, but damn, i was expecting an ealier one, haha, jk! i love you!.

woke up around 8am, told nichelle and arnold to get ready cuz they wanted to come with me to spend my day at san jose till my dinner at 8 at BJ's. got to san jose at around 11, picked up angelyn..and spent the day at santana row and valley fair mall. *sigh* as much as i hate admitting it..but i do miss her..i just happened to get the short end of the stick, and someone else got to her before i did..i was picked second..for awhile i was all butt hurt..but its been a year, and since i still wanted to maintain a nice relationship with her, i asked if i can hang out with her..so while we are the mall and urban outfitters at santana row, when ever we were alone, (while nichelle and arnold wandered off) i honestly got butterflies, and was super nervous around her, especially in the fitting room at Urban..she was dressing me, and i was shaking..omg, im not sure why..but all i can say the song "weak" came into mind LOL. she's not with you anymore ralph..does she feel the same? does she miss me to? all these questions running through my head..and during the whole time, she was so flirty unless im reading her wrong? but damn..i was like, damn, i really do miss her, i didnt tell her anything though..

on the way home, i told the ppl in the car how i felt about my ex, they told me its ok to miss someone, but just keep moving forward..etc etc. when we got back to stockton, barely had time to get ready and head to BJ's for my dinner..damn, when i got there long story short, i was already drunk within 30 minutes of being there! i downed 3 AMFs each in like 15 seconds or less..i have video to prove it!! it was so bad, i didnt even get to have dinner! they took me outside, cuz i was yacking GAHHHH!! i was crying cuz i felt so bad that ppl were in still inside and i barely got there, i was crying out for nichelle, she wasn't there at the time cuz she had a family thing to do, and was going to show up later..but i was REALLY crying , yelling her name, "someone call nichelle pleeeaase" so they get a hold of her and tell her that i'm crying for her, she comes , takes me home..i really dont know what happened after that..threw up more at home, all the way to the next morning..ended up calling in for work..blahhh!!

today, after being sober enough to reply to everyones myspace and facebook greetings haha, which i barely did just now..but during work, i couldnt help to think about that day in san jose..i told angelyn how i felt, and how i couldnt make it to her party tonight, cuz i dont want to go there, knowing that i'm not with her anymore.. she understands completely..i dont blame her..but can i blame myself? i've just been through alot with her..more than even my official ex gf, i dont even KIT with her, but with angelyn, its diff, i should hold this grudge on what she did, but i honestly want a healthy relationship, she's still there when i need her..

instead of taking a nap when i got home, arnold and yoshi asked to come over, so we're just chillin..i have to get ready soon to go to my grandpa's prayer..he past yesterday =/ dont really want to talk about that but yeah..crazy few days huh? later days..