*sigh*

finally back online! and being able to read her blogs..i'm happy and sad at the same time the past few days. especially after last night, i dont know what to think..i know its hard for me, and i can only imagine if its hard for you to. i honestly respect your views though, of wanting know what's in store for the future, not disappointing your mom, not getting to attached and watch it just get pulled away from right under you. and also my perspective, how i really dont want anything to change either..i LOVE how it is, but there is still the side of me, that want's something more. but scared to directly tell her..i can only think she knows how i feel deep inside. i'm shy, but she keeps me sane. i get comfortable as the mintues past, as the hours past, i get so comfortable. like i told her, i would never see this coming, but thankful it has happened. its like i keep asking myself, should i ask her for just one chance? i vow to not disappoint you. but at the same time i can't ask her that, its going to put so much pressure, and that alone can jeopardize our friendship. and i can never forgive myself if that were to happen..but for now, i'm keeping it how it is..and when she reads this, maybe she can shed more light on it..i'm not however going to get my hopes up..happiness is not to much to ask for, but that's all i want..